PALM BEACH'S MISSING VOTES FOUND AT CARNEGIE DELI

MISSING FOR MONTHS, VOTES FOUND IN SANDWICH

West Palm Beach, FL - October 13, 2008. Officials today reported that they have finally found the 3,000 or so votes missing from the August primary election. Citing cooperation of the New York City Department of Health, the votes were found in a sandwich at Broadway’s Carnegie Deli.

The breakthrough came when a customer at the world famous delicatessen reported something odd in his “Henny Youngman” sandwich. Expecting only a Bermuda onion and cream cheese on a bagel, the customer thought it odd when he found extra bytes in his bagel after taking several tasty bites.

A Health Department Investigation of the bagel found that the extra bytes did indeed belong to the vote tabulator in use in the Palm Beach County primary election.

Computer scientists and mathematicians who study elections requested more time before providing an explanation. However, one scientist thought it likely that the missing votes were brought in by a customer who had ordered a turkey sandwich with mayonnaise on white bread. The scientist, speaking under the usual conditions of anonymity, said that anyone ordering anything on white bread at the Carnegie Deli was immediately suspicious.

Suspicion was further cast on the mayonnaise-eating customer when he was heard saying, “Take my byte. Please!”

Arrests in the case are pending review of the turkey-sandwich customer’s flight records. Another anonymous source said that an arrest was certain if it was found that the customer had just flown in from Florida and had tired arms.