Fatal Shocks Not Yet Linked to Obama or McCain
Denver, CO - October 25, 2008. State election officials confirmed today that another voter was electrocuted when using a touchscreen voting machine. Those same officials said it was the voter’s fault because the voter was not properly grounded. Similar fatalities have been reported in Kansas, Arkansas and Mississippi -- the only other states that use touchscreen machines without paper trails.
The question as to what constitutes a voter’s being “properly grounded” was not answered leaving some to think that party affiliation may have something to do with it.
While officials have been reluctant to hold press conferences about the electrical hazards of touchscreen voting, reporters have been able to reach some officials and advocacy groups. For example, in Mississippi, Harold P. Brown, a spokesman for the Edison Electric Voting Consortium said that reports of electrocution were rare with only 4,815 confirmed cases of voter deaths across the country this year.
An advocacy group called “SPARKY” (Suffragettes Pledged Against Referenda Killing Youth) said that it was aware of electrical shocks and had begun an investigation into whether deaths were found disproportionately among McCain or Obama supporters. Eldridge T. (“Commodore”) Gerry, a spokesperson for SPARKY, said that because voters were electrocuted, it was impossible to determine for whom the unfortunate citizens voted. “Mississippi, Colorado, Arkansas and Kansas have no paper trails that would allow a post-mortem analysis,” he noted.
Commodore Gerry who styles himself “an ardent apostle of abolition of AC” [editor’s note: Alternating Current] voting said that there were several steps voters could take to protect themselves.
- Do not stand in a pool of water when voting
- If you perspire, leave the voting booth immediately
- Wear shoes with rubber soles when voting
- Voters with pacemakers should only vote on an absentee ballot
- Avoid machines requiring the voter to walk across a carpet in dry weather
- Do not vote during periods of solar storms. Alaskan voters are urged to check the sky for the Aurora Borealis.
Dr. J. Mount Bleyer, said to be the inventor of these contrivances and a spokesman for the group of experts known as VVPAT (Vaunted Veteran Psephologists Against Touchscreens), noted that although the number of deaths has so far been low, the nation is at risk using electronic voting machines without paper trails.
